OK, so I just had a blog completely written and accidentally logged out and lost it. That is a huge frustration for me… I never feel like my second attempt was as good as my first inspiration. But I've got to put that behind me and start again. Isn't that the story of my life?
Is a Vacation a worth it? Do we allow bad news to spiral us into a downward trend?
Or is a negative report the impetus to get us back on track or change direction?
Life Moving Forward
Apologies for not sharing at all last month. Again my health has had its highs and lows...CHRONIC CANCER....is how one of the docs recently described me. Never heard of cancer with that terminology before. It isn't killing me, it hasn't left my body, but somehow I've managed to live with it. Wow, it is really 2017 and I'm still here. I honestly didn't think that would happen. Spending Christmas with my family and a family trip to the hunting camp over New Years were wonderful celebrations. Missed having Zach & Karin with us this year.
Visiting my mom in the retirement home and asking "How are you today?", I get the same response each time "Terrible"! Well let's change that response! What if you are having a bad day and respond "Abundantly Blessed"! How will it change your attitude for the next several hours? What does it do for your malady and or your cortisol level?
Wow, I need to do this so often. Should it frustrate me or should I welcome it? I must admit I get frustrated thinking I need to come up with a new strategy in my healith process. I come up against so many brick walls and ask why did you lead me here God? For example, for nearly 2 years I did vitamin C drip. That was injecting vitamin C directly into my veins. That entire time my tumor markers decreased what a thrill that was to see those numbers coming down. Then I ended up in the hospital last December. My world again was turned upside down when you're in to my stage four diagnosis.
My Inner Truth
Today feels scary. In rising this morning, I was rejoicing how easily I arose from my bed. All seemed right with the world.
Then my reality sank in as I ate and I was full with only a few bites of food. I felt freedom in being able to drive myself to the appointment and even chose to do some shopping. Yea.....how normal I feel. I became tired as I stayed too long enjoying choosing some items for Christmas gifts for the little ones. I visited with an old friend and it brought me such joy. We spoke of having lunch together soon.
How has the past 10 years enriched our lives? These years of pain and anguish have touched our lives in oh so many ways. The bonds of friendship born through sorrow and challenge create a depth of friendship that cannot happen in lives without challenge.
Our challenges of these years have shaped the depth of our faith. We were all called to touch the lives of many around the globe. We have the constant living reminder shown through Rosanna and the challenges she and her family continue to face daily.
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart! Ps 37:4
I can't tell you how many heart desires have been fulfilled in the past several years....just to mention a few.....being in a magazine as a model...desire at the age of 17..... Not as a cancer ridden 65 year old mother with a son having committed a devastating crime...in People, Womens Day, The Guardian, etc.....what a sense of humor God seems to have.
Sure wish I had an answer to that one. I could tell something was not right the past three months as my tumor markers started to rise. Nothing changed in the things I am doing. All of a sudden it decided to multiply. Three months of doubling CEA and slight rise in CA.